I was so excited this morning because I had another follow up visit scheduled with my surgeon- and the plan was to pick a surgery date to get the prosthesis put back in. The good news: my blood work came back normal (for the first time in months) and he said we could go ahead with the surgery. The bad news: even though he isn't going to make me wait until his first opening in June, I still may not get in until February or March sometime. I'll admit I just broke down right there in the office. It will be 7 months since my first surgery this Sunday. 7 long, LONG months.
I am getting more and more angry by the day and I'm really trying to not let that consume me. I'm angry that I still can't walk. Angry that I still can't do the things with my daughter that I want to do (one of the main reasons for having a surgery in the first place!). Angry that yet another job opportunity presented itself this week and I'm not going to be able to take it because the surgery won't happen in time. Yes, I realize companies are not supposed to discriminate in these situations, but really, who can blame them? It isn't their problem.
I really don't know how people with chronic diseases handle all the ups and downs. I mean, what's happened to me is nothing compared to cancer or other diseases, and yet continually getting my hopes crushed is really taking its toll.
So, now I wait. Wait for someone to cancel their surgery so they can slide me in. Hope that someone gets sick so they have to postpone their surgery date and I can take it (yes, I know how horrible that sounds). And I pray. Again. I've got to trust I'll get the date I need when I need it. In the mean time, I think I'm going to try to find a way to kick box sitting down. My rage needs somewhere to go.
Oh Cari...I am so sorry. This has got to be so frustrating for you. I remember when I was all set to get my first ear surgery..then a week before it was scheduled I learned that I had to pay the entire deductible up front. Scott was self employed at the time so we had our own health insurance...with a $5000 deductible. There was no way we had that laying around so I had to cancel. I never did get back to get it done. I was so upset about not being able to get it done so I could hear again. It's not the same as your situation, I know...but I was frustrated enough about that...I cannot imagine how frustrated you are. I am praying that God works this out and the surgery happens soon for you. Hang in there {{{hugs}}}
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